Cranberries - “Linger”

I am not one of the legion of Rachel Ray haters you’ll find typing away furiously as she works to expand her empire. She is cashing in on her window of fame before America gets bored and moves on to someone else. But I draw the line at taking a gig hawking third-rate donuts while also claiming to be part of an alliance working to fight obesity in children.

The Alliance for a Healthier Generation is co-founded by that other famous donut-eater Bill Clinton. Perhaps there is some behind-the-scenes political dealings that would cause him to partner with a Dunkin’ Donuts spokesperson. Or maybe he just saw her photos in FHM. Either way, it’s great they would use their celeb powers to create/promote such a good organization:

The Alliance and Rachael Ray’s Yum-o! Organization partner to help families across America make healthier food choices

Sounds good, right? Now, Rachael Ray, please guide me to these healthier choices of which you speak!

Dunkin’ Donuts “Whips Up” Deal With Daytime TV Host Rachael Ray

You really can’t have it both ways here (I’ll speak directly to Rachael now as I am sure she reads this blog). Even though you will also be “lending your perspective” to the DD “culinary team” as they develop “better for you” menu items, it comes down to this - you are hawking donuts. And through your extension of your brand to kid-related areas you are hawking donuts to kids. Stop it.

Either drop the donut gig or stop pretending to be part of the Alliance.

Relatedly, I’ll go on record as saying that “Dunkin’ Donuts” will attempt to shirk its donut heritage with a name change within two years (perhaps re-branding simply as Dunkin’).